You’re caught off guard when someone asks, “What’s wrong with you?” Maybe it’s a question that stings or makes you feel exposed—especially when it comes to a diagnosis like ADHD, autism, or another invisible condition. It took courage, time, and countless explanations to arrive at your own clarity. And yet, each time you explain, you hope someone really hears you. If that longing—and the exhaustion underneath—rings true, you’re not alone.
Why This Matters
Being asked to explain a disability or diagnosis can feel like being asked to justify yourself—to validate something deeply personal. But how you respond matters—for your emotional safety and for shaping others’ understanding. Explain too little, and people may get it wrong. Explain too much, and you’re overwhelmed. Research from the past decade shows that disclosure—and how it’s framed—can reduce stigma and open doors to support (Autism UK, 2025, National Autistic Society). It also matters legally: in professional settings, disclosing may be necessary to access accommodations—and clarity helps, too (ADDitude, 2025, Additude).
What the Research Shows
A 2021 study on autistic adults’ experiences with disclosure found that the reasons behind choosing to disclose—or not—often revolve around anticipation of acceptance or fear of judgment. Those who shared their diagnosis did so to feel more authentic, gain support, or access accommodations, while others held back to avoid stigma or disbelief (Romualdez et al, 2021, PMC).
From a legal perspective, ADDitude’s recent article explains that ADHD qualifies as a disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). Disclosure becomes especially important when you’re seeking workplace accommodations like flexible hours or reduced distractions. The article encourages framing your explanation around needs—not labels—and underscores that you don’t have to share medical details with coworkers (Yellin, 2023, Additude).
Plainly put: Sharing your diagnosis tactfully can build connection and access—but it’s entirely your choice how much to share and with whom.
Putting It Into Practice
Here are three ways to support you when explaining your diagnosis when someone asks:
- Use a brief, personalized frame
“I have ADHD, which means my focus works differently—so I may need extra reminders or time.” This directly links the diagnosis to lived experience without over-explaining. - Choose the right moment and audience
In professional settings, disclose when discussing workload or accommodations (ADDitude, 2025, Additude). With friends or family, pick a calm, private moment—when emotions aren’t running high but curiosity or care is present. - Have a “prepared statement” ready
Some people draft a short explanation in advance, even saving it on their phone. It can help reduce stress in the moment and keep the conversation grounded—like letting someone know why certain environments or interactions feel challenging (Moss, 2020, GQ).
What to Keep in Mind
There’s no one right way to explain your diagnosis. Intersectional factors like culture, gender, language, and societal expectations shape both the way we explain and the response we receive. Some people may face disbelief—especially if their disability is invisible or doesn’t conform to stereotypes (Autism UK, 2025, National Autistic Society). Others may worry about legal or economic consequences. And systemic inequities—such as less access to diagnosis or culturally competent support—can make disclosure riskier or more emotionally taxing.
Allow space for nuance and recognize that what works once may not work next time. Your comfort and safety always come first.
What Others are Saying
“For years, I bottled up my autism because I was afraid of how others might react,” says Nina, a freelance designer. “But when I finally told my client—‘I’m autistic, and bright lights really exhaust me’—they dimmed their studio lights and the relief washed over me. That moment made me feel seen, not broken.”
Resources & Further Reading
- Autism UK – Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis (2025): guidance on timing, pros/cons, and experiences (National Autistic Society).
- ADDitude Magazine – Your rights to ADHD accommodations at work (May 2025): legal context and tips on framing explanations (Additude).
- Romualdez et al. (2021) – Peer-reviewed insights into autistic employees’ motivations around disclosure and privacy (PMC).
Final Thoughts
Explaining your disability or diagnosis is not a performance—it’s a personal bridge to understanding, both for you and others. There is beauty in that moment when someone cares enough to listen. Trust your pace, your words, and your boundaries. Whether you choose to share a lot or a little, you have the right to be seen, respected, and supported—on your terms.
References
ADDitude. (2025, May 6). Know your rights to ADHD accommodations at work. ADDitude. https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-workplace-rights-accommodations/
Autism UK. (2025). Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis. National Autistic Society. https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/telling-others
Romualdez, A. M., Walker, Z., Au-Yeung, S. K., Allison, C., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2021). Autism and the workplace: Experiences of autistic employees and employers. Autism, 25(8), 2288–2301. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613211007383
Yellin, S. (2023). Is ADHD a disability? Your legal rights at work. ADDitude Magazine. Retrieved from https://www.additudemag.com/workplace-legal-protection/
Moss, H. (2020, March 6). How to date when you have a disability. GQ. https://www.gq.com/story/dating-with-a-disability
