Imagine trusting someone so deeply that you place your sense of safety, belonging, and identity in their hands—only to discover that same person has caused harm. Whether it’s a parent who was supposed to protect you, a partner who promised loyalty, or a community that failed to stand by you, betrayal wounds differently. It cuts through not just the relationship, but the very foundation of trust. For many, this kind of trauma is hard to put into words—yet the experience is far more common than we think.
Why This Matters
Betrayal trauma isn’t just about a broken promise—it’s about survival being threatened when the very people or institutions we rely on cause harm. Recent research highlights that betrayal trauma is strongly linked with mental health struggles including anxiety, depression, and dissociation (Freyd et al., 2019). In fact, survivors of betrayal trauma are more likely to report higher distress than those who experienced other forms of trauma without betrayal (DePrince et al., 2021).
This matters because it explains why some survivors remain silent, minimize their pain, or feel “frozen” in abusive relationships. What looks like passivity is actually a survival strategy. Understanding betrayal trauma helps us reframe these responses—not as weakness, but as the body’s way of staying safe in the face of impossible choices.
What the Research Shows
Betrayal trauma theory, first introduced by psychologist Jennifer Freyd, has been expanded by recent studies to show how deeply relational harm impacts memory, identity, and health.
- Memory and awareness. A 2021 study found that people who experience betrayal trauma may suppress or distort memories of the event, not out of denial but as a protective mechanism to maintain attachment (DePrince et al., 2021). This helps explain why survivors sometimes recall details later in life or struggle to “just leave” harmful situations.
- Health consequences. Recent research shows betrayal trauma is associated with increased physical health problems, particularly when the betrayal comes from a caregiver or intimate partner (Kaehler & Freyd, 2020). The stress of holding both love and danger in the same relationship can leave long-lasting effects on the nervous system.
- Social impact. Betrayal trauma doesn’t only impact individuals—it can ripple into communities. Institutional betrayals, such as when organizations dismiss reports of harassment, have been linked with lower trust, increased distress, and decreased willingness to seek support (Smith & Freyd, 2017).
In plain terms: betrayal trauma makes people doubt themselves, their memories, and even the safety of connection itself. It teaches survivors to prioritize attachment over truth—not because they want to, but because they must in order to endure.
How to Begin Healing
Healing from betrayal trauma is complex, but research suggests some strategies can help survivors begin to rebuild trust with themselves and others:
- Gentle self-validation. Instead of forcing yourself to “get over it,” acknowledge the reality: betrayal trauma takes time. Small affirmations like, “It makes sense this hurts so much” can begin to repair internal trust.
- Safe relationships. Healing often requires new, trustworthy bonds. This may be with a therapist, a support group, or a friend who respects boundaries. Studies show supportive environments reduce the severity of betrayal-related distress (DePrince et al., 2021).
- Mind-body practices. Trauma-informed approaches like grounding, somatic therapy, or mindfulness can help the body unlearn its survival-based hypervigilance (Ford & Courtois, 2021).
These are not quick fixes, but compassionate steps that support recovery at the survivor’s pace.
Things to Keep in Mind
No two experiences of betrayal trauma look the same. Gender, race, culture, and systemic factors all influence how betrayal is experienced and whether survivors can access care. For instance, marginalized communities may face institutional betrayal when reporting abuse to systems that historically dismiss or harm them (Smith & Freyd, 2017).
Similarly, survivors who are neurodivergent may process trauma differently—sometimes misinterpreted as resistance or denial. Recognizing this diversity is essential: there is no single “right way” to heal.
One survivor described it this way: “It wasn’t just that he hurt me—it was that he was the one person I thought never would. That’s what I can’t get over. It feels like my radar for safety is broken.”
This reflection echoes the pain of so many. The pain of betrayal is less about the event itself. It’s more about the rupture of trust in someone who was supposed to protect.
Resources & Further Reading
- The Center for Institutional Courage – Resources on betrayal and institutional responses
- Why Betrayal Can Cause Trauma and How to Start Healing – Healthline
- What Betrayal Trauma Does to the Brain and Body: Tools to Heal Kristin Snowden
Final Thought
If betrayal trauma is part of your story, know this: the feelings of confusion, guilt, or silence are not flaws. They are survival responses to impossible circumstances. Healing is not about forgetting—it’s about learning to trust yourself again. Recovery may take time, but with safe connections and gentle care, trust can be rebuilt. You are not alone in this journey.
References
- DePrince, A. P., Brown, L. S., Cheit, R. E., Freyd, J. J., Gold, S. N., Pezdek, K., & Quina, K. (2021). Motivated forgetting and misremembering: Perspectives from betrayal trauma theory. Memory, 29(8–9), 1053–1065. https://doi.org/10.1080/09658211.2021.1930180
- Ford, J. D., & Courtois, C. A. (2021). Posttraumatic stress disorder (2nd ed.): Scientific and professional dimensions. Academic Press.
- Kaehler, L. A., & Freyd, J. J. (2020). Betrayal trauma and health: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 21(5), 920–931. https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838018801335
- Smith, C. P., & Freyd, J. J. (2017). Insult, then injury: Interpersonal and institutional betrayal linked to health and dissociation. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 26(10), 1117–1131. https://doi.org/10.1080/10926771.2017.1382637
